Jack Pendarvis

Jack Pendarvis

Jack Pendarvis has written five books. He won two Emmys for his work on the TV show Adventure Time. During a period of light employment, he spoke into a digital recorder whenever the mood struck him and transcribed the results, accumulating the two thousand pages from which this column has been extracted. Please begin at the beginning for the optimum experience.

Jack Pendarvis’s Moby-Dick

“I want a freaky tall old man.”

Jack Pendarvis’s Moby-Dick

And, uh, you know what sailors do when they get upset. It’s not pretty.

Jack Pendarvis’s Moby-Dick

I say to you, have you ever been onboard a whal—a whaling vessel? I thought not. So why don’t you shove it?”

Jack Pendarvis’s Moby-Dick

“So you might disagree with me about polar bears."

Jack Pendarvis’s Moby-Dick

"And, uh, the meaninglessness of eternity in the wrinkled face of that… biting monster."

Jack Pendarvis’s Moby-Dick

"They think I’m wearing perfume. It’s just how I smell because I’m holy.”

Jack Pendarvis’s Moby-Dick

“Well, let me at least mention the kind of floor I dance on in whatever country I come from.”

Jack Pendarvis’s Moby-Dick

Uhm… we’re just goin’ down the slide into… [very long pause] whale city.

Jack Pendarvis’s Moby-Dick

“He’s got so many frickin’ leftover harpoons in him, he looks like a pin cushion.”