A man exiting fumbled with a parcel he was holding and caught it before it fell

December 17, 2018
Toronto, Canada

This morning I woke up before the sun had risen. I wake up early everyday now, partly because I go to sleep early, and partly because Raffi (my kitten) wants to play. I feel more tired at night than I do in the morning, so I don’t mind.

I sat on the couch drinking coffee as the sun rose. Since I live so close to water, I get unbelievable sunrises. But today the sun was more like a spotlight. A lightbulb in the sky that shined into my window and projected the outline of my east-facing window on my wall. An orange abstraction layered on top of my poster from a Pierre Bonnard retrospective at the Met years ago.

Raffi was being wild. I urged him to play with his toys but he insisted on biting my fingers as I typed. I locked myself in my bedroom and he meowed on the other side of the door until let him in. He immediately cuddled into me and put his cheek against mine. I forgave him for biting me.

As quickly as the sun came up, it was gone. And the rest of the day was dreary and overcast.

I had a bath, even though I told myself when I woke up I’d skip today. It seems as if I’ve swapped one addiction for another. Now I can’t go a day without submerging myself in hot water. I’m sure I could hypothesize on why this is, but I’d rather not.

I have one rule, which is that I must leave my apartment at least once a day. This usually takes the form of a walk to get a coffee, or groceries. Sometimes I go to the beach. Obviously, it’s too cold to swim or sunbathe. So I just…look at the water.

Since I was going to visit my friend Tea in the afternoon, I skipped my walk and wrote until 3 p.m. Raffi hates it when I leave—he became too used to me always being around that he’s grown attached. He’s also Siamese, a very needy type of cat.

I stopped at the Eaton Centre to get Tea a housewarming gift. Even though it wasn’t that busy, it put me in a bad mood. I knew exactly what I was going to get her, so I headed right to the Malin & Goetz candle display in the basement, only to learn they were sold out of the scent I wanted. I looked around for another gift. A couple was inexplicably standing in front of a display having conversations with each other, so I had to ask them to move. I grabbed tchotchke and lined up. There were five people before me who all seemed to take forever figuring out how to pay. Like I said, I was in a bad mood.

I was an hour late getting to her new apartment. Once there, we caught up on each other’s lives and gossiped before we put up and decorated her Christmas tree. I think it’s funny that she bought a Christmas tree, since it’s not something I’ve ever felt compelled to do since living alone. I’m trying to break my habit of being a Christmas-curmudgeon, but it’s not going well.

I did have fun decorating the tree with her. Her decorations were monochromatic blue and silver (boring). After a few hours, I started to worry about Raffi—who has been known to break into the kitchen cupboards and eat bags of treats when I’m gone—so I left to go back home. The streetcar ride was relatively painless—I always prefer the streetcar to the subway, even though it’s slower. I prefer to be above ground. A man exiting fumbled with a parcel he was holding and caught it before it fell. He looked up and caught my eye and we both smiled at each other. I made a mental note to check missed connections when I got home.

Once home, I worked for the rest of the evening. I can’t imagine it’s healthy to work right before going to bed, but it’s better than the alternative.

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