Centrist Utopian Novel Premises

A really good businessman, Anthony Normalman, who has great and reasonable ideas, decides one day — out of the kindness of his heart — to run for president. However,  he’ll need to face off against incumbent Dino Dump, a man who not only is rude but also makes the office of the presidency undignified. The novel takes place over the course of three scheduled debates, whereby Anthony Normalman lays out his case for a return to decency and the values that are real and once definitely actually existed in America. Dino Dump is rendered speechless, but it doesn’t even matter because the FBI and the rule of law take him out of office and Anthony Normalman gets to be president, his just reward for being a really good businessman with great and reasonable ideas.

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A highly erotic retelling of the Constitution.

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A comedy of manners about how an older man teaches the younger woman he’s on a date with that you used to be able to say things you can’t say now, and in America we have something called freedom of speech.

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A city is being terrorized by two masked villains. One calls himself THE FAR RIGHT, and he wants to make the city over into his ethnonationalist vision. The other calls herself THE FAR LEFT, and she uses an army of campus activists to make the city stop naming buildings after slave owners. The city is equally terrorized by both of them! It’s up to our hero, CAPTAIN REASONABLE, to defeat them both with his one-two punch of logic and facts. After that, the cops and the rule of law can take over and do their jobs to make sure no more extremism menaces the fair city.

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A children’s book about a Kimmy, the little girl who watches a bully and the little boy the bully beats up every day. Kimmy tells them both to calm down, and they do. Kimmy is the most sensible so she gets to be class president.

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A hard boiled tale of the one bad apple cop who is forced to leave the police force so all the good cops can continue being heroes and enforce the rule of law.

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A disaffected millennial reads The Catcher in the Rye and realizes kids these days actually have it much better than their parents, and also the music was better. He hugs his dad.

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FanFic about Mark Zuckerberg running for president.

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A period piece about one white woman’s heroic struggle to use gumption, logic and reason to end racism in America forever.

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A collection of linked short stories about a town that decides to install a local government team of rivals. They’re half Democrats and half Republicans. There are sometimes arguments at town meetings, but they always result in the best possible compromise that leaves everybody happy.

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A novel about one man’s heroic struggle to successfully convince everyone commenting under his facebook status that Bari Weiss makes some great points in this article.

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The Corrections.

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When the deficit balloons to levels never before seen, only a small group of very good businessmen have the gumption and acumen to save us all. But when the loony left tries to keep Erik Prince and Raytheon from teaming up with the businessmen and privatizing a military grade weapon to shoot the deficit in the face, our only hope may be the FBI and the rule of law.

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A woman shatters the glass ceiling and becomes the first female general to do a genocide.