ME TODAY: I must buy salad ingredients BEFORE WORK

Nov 4, 2022 3:56PM EDT

A.K. Summers @ak74_summers

Flotsam-identified comics artist and author of the graphic memoir Pregnant Butch, Summers lives with her son in Providence, Rhode Island.

Title page: MY DAY OF REMOTE WORK & AUDIBLE FARTS, BY A.K. SUMMERS

Panel 2, 5:23 am: Person in pajamas in kitchen says. "The one night I skip dishes! And whups I didn't shop for the salad I said I'd bring tonight." A coffee pot nearby says "I'm dirty too."

Panel 3, 7:10 AM: Same person riding bicycle on road wearing bike helmet singing "Oh don't get me wrong it's not that I knock it it's just that I am not in the market for a girl who wants to lo-ove only meeee." A seagull in foreground says "Please make it stop!"

Panel 4, 7:35 AM: Herons in a marsh. Caption: Omigosh... 4 (underlined) great blue herons! And a dead mouse (not pictured)

Panel 5, 8:25 AM: Our person driving car says "I know this is WRONG but I must buy salad ingredients BEFORE WORK. There won't be time after!"

Panel 6, 8:59 AM: Our person wearing blue pants and a red-plaid shirt walking away from store with sign reading WHOLE ASS says "$69... for SALAD! And a few other things I guess

Panel 7, 9:24 AM: Person working at desk with computer screen displaying a flaming eye reading LOG IN. Caption: Only 24 mins late!

Panel 9, 10:32 AM: Persona standing up from chair at desk with arms upraised. "Victory! Yeah! Hoo! Sound effect: PING! PING!

Panel 10, 10:33 AM: Person with worried look on face says "Uh oh! My coworker has been trying to reach me for an hour! OK... noodles with peanuts are out! Cilantro pesto is in! And she needs a word count ASAP!"

Panel 11, 10:35 AM: Person with eyes closed. Caption: It's a good time for a self awareness break. Thoughts expressed in background: "GUILT! I was Late - IRRITATION! I have to redo a layout - DESIRE to eat something... but what???*" At bottom: *Not a part of self-awareness

Panel 13, 11:32 AM: Closeup of person's face with furrowed brow and tongue hanging out. "Oh I guess I really should UPDATE Google-cal." In foreground, flies hover over a pile of shit. One of the flies says "For all of 2023!"

Panel 14, Lunch, 12:17 PM: Person with a thoughtful expression, holding hand up to face. A stalk of green leafy vegetable stands on person's right shoulder and says "You know you had that burger & fries last night and there wasn't even COLESLAW!" On the left shoulder, a hamburger on bun says "God shut up nerd"

Panel 15, Therapy, 1:01 PM: Back of person's head as they face a laptop screen. "Death illness loss sadness noise-sensitive neighbor tai chi top surgery"" On the laptop screen person in shirt and sweater wearing glasses says "Curiosity kindness you're doing great"

Panel 16, 3:55 PM: Top caption: Work chatter. Person at desk sitting back in chair holding a coffee mug says "So what's this "hot intel" you mentioned?" Response from computer screen and a person we can't see: "Wellll.. you know those stories where we don't have much to say?" Coffee-mug person says "Yeah?" Response: "They're gonna be shorter."

Panel 17, 4:23 PM, Non-Work Chatter: Person sitting back in chair, relaxed with hands back behind head and smiling with eyes closed says "Wotcha doin' thjs weekend?" Response from someone out of frame: "Roxie & I are taking the ferry to P-Town." Roxie, also out of frame, exclaims "Yap! Yap!" Person out of frame says "She heard her name!"

Panel 18, One Last Work Thing, 4:47 PM: Viewed from behind, person in front of computer screen. "I forgot to flow chicken tinga! Sound effect: TAPPY TAP TAP TAP TAPSKY TAP, ETC" Person says "Done! Now to prep that salad..."

Panel 19, Extra Time, 5:40 PM: Persona standing up. "I did it* it's even already packed in the bag! Now I have twenty 'extra' minutes" *Salad, that is

Panel 20, One More Thing? 5:42 PM: Person with hand on hip standing in front of a window-mounted air conditioner. "It would be awesome to achieve one more thing today"

Panel 21, 5:49 PM: Person lugging bulky air conditioner down stairs. "SHIT ARGH OW BUMP FUCK" Sound coming from person's lower body: "POOT!"

Panel 22, 5 Minutes To Go, 5:55 PM: Person pulling off plaid shirt to reveal undershirt, midriff, and underpants with HANES on the front. " I do think it would be good to change. I wonder if my neighbor heard my fart?"

Panel 23, 6:17 PM: Person same clothes on as previously with comical sweat droplets flying out from head running toward car. "Shit! I forgot to text Leela about if she needs a ride" At bottom of panel: Yes, same outfit

Panel 24, Only Slightly Late, 7:11 PM: Four people at a table with a large salad in center. Person at upper left of frame says "Roshashanna at my parents' shul can be intense." Person at lower left of frame with their back to us: "Some alte kakers giving you the fishy eye?" Person at upper right of panel wearing black sleevelss shit and holding salad tongs: "Yeah I had to take an edible." Hero of story at lower right drinking from a can says "Some what?

Panel 25, JR's Gym Story, 8:07 PM: JR, person from previous panel who had to take an edible, holding hands up miming lifting weights: "There's this woman at the gym who is SERIOUSLY RIPPED and UNBELIEVABLY LOUD" Person who was talking about Roshashonna interjects "Yeah she's REALLY loud," as edible person continues "Whenever she lifts she lets out a HUGE GRUNT or a scream."

Panel 26, 8:08 PM: With sound effects HA HA and HA HA in background, sleeveless shirt person is saying "...and you don't expect it because she's wearing headphones and singing along to her music the rest of the time." Inter-title: I DECIDE TO SHARE. Our hero says "Guys, I find that now, when I exert myself in a sudden way, I fart involuntarily."

Panel 27, 8:09 PM: Person who made "alter kaker" comment says "A.K., is that why you've chosen a form of exercise that happens ALONE and OUTSIDE?" Our hero quietly says "um no" while thinking "I"M an alte kaker!!!

Panel 28, 9:52 PM: Person returns home to face kitchen full of dirty dishes, food-prep surfaces, and stinky garbage in trash can. "UGH"

Panel 29, 10:23 PM: Sparkling-clean kitchen, sound effect of dishwasher HMMM SWISH SWASH. At bottom of frame: THE END.

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