You are a sinister person who has done a number of truly disgraceful things. You are also boring.
If it were up to me it would just be you on the cover of Hello, always, in your tutu and Hunter wellies, doing fine.
I was so sad once in February I drove with the handbrake on for the whole day.
One of the most shocking things its audience had ever heard.
I spent a long time reading and thinking about you and all the other “social x-rays” without really getting the picture.
I thought the word “snorkel” to myself, over and over, and undertook a very limited exploration of every opinion I’d ever had on the subject.
Like all Australian celebrities, you began your ascent to the Everest of stardom from the base camp known as Neighbours.
Like many of John Le Carré’s women, she has a creepy energy that I can only describe as “sex-mother.”
Many of the women in his books seem unable to decide whether they want to sleep with every man they see or be their actual biological mother.
Here Comes Mr. Clearsighted Humanitarian