- No other way to say this: I have not read a single word of your writing.
- I am not proud of this.
- You wouldn’t think that this needed pointing out – me not being proud of the unfortunate fact that I have not so much as cracked the cover of The Golden Notebook.
- “What kind of sassy loser would be proud of such a thing?”
- “For God’s sake.”
- That’s what you are thinking, and I understand why.
- Still though, I feel obliged to make this tiresome and aggravating concession, because for a long time, I was quite pleased with myself for never having read you.
- Why? What was my problem?
- My mum kept trying to persuade me to do it, and I kept coming up with these aggressive and hurtful reasons for why I shouldn’t.
- “Weird old dowdy 60s nonsense.”
- “No one cares.”
- I said stuff like that, often, to my own mother.
- Why did I?
- What actually was my problem?
- I don’t know.
- I further don’t know why, years after my torrid phase of being just a complete shithead has passed, I still haven’t read anything you wrote.
- Maybe it’s just because I am overcome with guilt every single time I think about it.
- Do not misunderstand me – I feel bad about never having read The Golden Notebook, but no sane person is brought almost to tears when thinking about how they never read this one seminal work.
- This all has to do with me feeling bad about being so dismissive about something that meant a great deal to my mum when she was my age.
- So, so bad.
- Is this just what happens when you get older?
- You start being just poleaxed with guilt about a wide variety of things? Just eviscerated by it.
- Can the answers to these questions be found within the pages of your books?
- Would you like to know what my mum said, today, when I asked her what she thought about The Golden Notebook?
- Yes obviously you would. She is a legend.
- She said: “I was totally blown away. I thought it was the best book I had ever read. I have never read it again. A bit like not wanting to go and see your old childhood house in case it’s been turned into a series of maisonettes or a crack den.”
- There you have it, Doris Lessing.
- Happy Birthday.
Happy Birthday, Doris Lessing
I have not so much as cracked the cover of The Golden Notebook.
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Elections, Revolt, History and Helplessness
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