- If I had a diary this is what I write in it today: “It’s that old bitch Guy Fawkes’s birthday once again.”
- “Once more, it is time to think about the birth of the man I hate, that sassy and pointlessly inscrutable historical figure called Guy Fawkes, also for some fucking reason known as ‘Guido Fawkes.’”
- If I was living somewhere with a lot of high white chalky cliffs, I would wake up very early every November 5th and take myself for a walk right along the edge of the cliff face. It would be a stormy, lead-grey morning. The clammy silence would be punctuated by the screaming of ugly birds. I would walk until I was able to stop thinking about how much I hate Guy Fawkes, and until the harshness of my surroundings matched the harshness of what was in my spirit. Toiling over volcanic rock that is hot to the touch, although the sun is yet loitering beneath the horizon. Walking past old men, sharing a silence that is born of contempt as opposed to mutual acceptance of any sort. The waves cough up skeins of kelp continuously. I walk until my mind is able to alight on any subject that does not immediately carry me back to my bottomless hatred of Guy Fawkes. A long, long walk.
- Part of the reason I hate Guy “Guido” Fawkes is that I can’t properly explain why I hate him, only how much.
- I hate how long ago he was born, and I hate the suggestion that any person alive today should be remotely interested in even the broadest overview of “the Gunpowder plot.”
- I hate how much he makes me think of Rumpelstiltskin.
- None of this makes any sense, but then neither does the centuries-old insistence that people should take an interest in Guy Fawkes.
- Why should they.
- If I had an office cubicle I would maybe put up a poster on the one wall that said “Don’t Even Get Me Started On Guy Fawkes” and everyone would know to give me a wide berth.
- I hate that it’s not even Guy Fawkes’s actual birthday today, but rather the anniversary of the exposure of “the Gunpowder plot.”
- Too late to start again though and think of someone whose existence is worth celebrating or even acknowledging in any way.
- This whole episode has sapped me of my strength, as it always does.
- I hate that up until today I had no idea that Guy Fawkes was well known for being ‘the man behind the Anonymous mask.’ Why does this make me hate him even more. Why does it.
- Happy birthday.
Rosa Lyster
