February 8, 2019
I slept 9 or 10 hours. I kept waking up and sleeping again, so my sleep was shallow. I had a lot of dreams and most of it was something to do with me being in New York. Last night I thought about New York because I talked about it with my friend and that left me some kind of impression. And in the dream someone I haven’t seen or even thought about since I left there showed up, putting purple sandals designed for good healthy walking. The dreams were pretty weird but precise at the same time—very playful artsy dreams.
I woke up and thought about how I can’t go back there anymore and it’s been 8 years since I have, but in the dream I could still be there for a second and the sensation was so much closer than me just imagining being there while I’m awake. I heard some noises from outside. The house next door was being taken down. Today was the day of really crashing and stuff. I watched it for a while, thinking about New York and what to do with my life now. I thought of myself as the building and I felt the taking down inside of me. I didn’t want to wake up this morning. That’s why I slept so long; those dreams made me depressed a little.
I didn’t know how to start the day. Then I decided to start reading the rest of the pages of In Search of Lost Time by Proust. Now in Japan the new translated version has been put out every half a year since 2010. It’s 14 books altogether. I started to read it in 2011. It’s been a long journey along with my life reading this book. Now I’m at the 13th book and I read the last 20 pages of it this morning.
What’s happening in this book really has been happening to my life. Actually on the page with my bookmark, the book talked about how dreams can travel you so vividly to your lost time…When it talked about being in love, I was on a same page. When it was talking about jealousy, I was on it. Then they talked about separation and even then I was on it…Now the protagonist of the book is looking back at all of his life and trying to connect his life and his art/writing and all. It’s been very surprising how someone can articulate things in life by writing that much. And it makes me feel I’m not the only one to feel how I feel. Anyway, a masterpiece.
Then I got an email from my friend in Korea telling me we should Skype to work on subtitles for my new film. Then finally I stood from my sofa/bed and brushed my teeth then called her. It was lunch time so the construction next door was not going on. It was good timing. But 10 minutes after we started to work, she had to take another Skype call so we stopped. Then I folded my clothes from yesterday’s laundry and I ate 3 bites of vanilla ice cream, made an oiled scallion noodle and had a misyokan (Japanese grapefruit).
There was an erotic part of dream this morning. I’m sure it was because I watched the new Suspiria movie yesterday and the night before I watched Nymphomaniac: Vol. 2. I bet those films implanted something in me. Films are scary, what they can do to you. It can be an invasion. I took a bath thinking about a main character of my next film. I’m shooting it next year.
I thought about Pow a little, too. I’m assuming I’m not in love but I still think about Pow. It’s just because I need to have someone to think about. It’s like my thinking habit. It doesn’t necessarily mean I’m in love. I took a red marker and drew a 7-pointed star on my left pinky. I decided to do that for 7 days last Sunday. If I wash my hand it’s gone so I have to keep drawing. I have 2 more days to go.
I couldn’t work on my editing during the day because the construction was too loud. I can’t think anything once I start listening to those noises. I went out to buy tissues and toilet paper. Outside was colder than I thought, and then I remembered the weather forecast saying it would snow in the weekend. I felt it in the air. I checked out a new vegetable market nearby. It was alright.
Then I came back home and checked my email and found an email from a sound designer sending sounds for my film. I’d been waiting for this one email for few days and I got so excited and downloaded the file. It was the best timing because the construction was over for the day. While I was waiting for it, someone texted me on Skype. I never really use Skype so I was wondering who??? It was someone from Finland. I was born there because my dad worked there for 3 years. We have family friends there and he was one of them, though we never Skype or text each other, so it was so random and made me surprised. A day like today I feel my life shifting into a new zone or something. He told me he changed his job and his sister is coming to Japan for the first time next month and she’s really excited. She used to change my diaper when she was around 12 years old maybe.
After downloading the file I listened to the sounds for 5 or 6 hours straight. It was such a peaceful pleasurable time to listen to them all while drinking tea. That kind of time can satisfy me more than anything. Then I crashed and took a nap for 2 hours.
I woke up at 2 a.m. and cooked dried daikon or whatever but something went wrong and my dinner tasted like nothing but soy sauce and salty as hell. A miracle happened while I was cooking though. I opened a kitchen shelf to pick chopsticks and somehow I saw 4 chopsticks (2 pairs) in there. For 8months or so, there were 3 and 1 was missing. It was a mystery how I lost that one. I couldn’t find it anywhere but only today it showed up in the shelf!!! It’s a total miracle and I think the chopstick fell into some kind of an air pocket and went to another dimension and only today it just came back! Now I have 2 pairs of chopsticks like before.
I worked another 4 or 5 hours and had one kinako mochi ice cream during that session. I had to stop at 8 a.m. because outside the construction started again. I wished they wouldn’t work for the weekend but I guess they do on Saturday.
Today felt pretty good compared to how I was depressed this morning, I thought as I was closing my computer. Then I brushed my teeth and drew the 7-pointed star again on my pinky before zzz…