Happy Birthday, Rasputin

1. There are four types of girls in this world: horse girls, Ancient Egypt girls, urban foraging girls, and Rasputin girls.
2. Jokes, there’s more than four types, and in addition I’ve yet to meet anyone who shares my very strong feeling that “urban foraging girls” are a distinct species. It’s bad to taxonomise women in this manner – we are all different and special in our own different and special ways.
3. You must admit though that “girls who go through a very intense Rasputin phase” are absolutely a type.
4. It goes without saying that I was one of them. AM one of them – I don’t think it’s possible to just shake off a fixation with Rasputin and move on.
5. A healthy fixation with Rasputin will survive numerous assassination attempts, including being poisoned and stabbed and shot in the chest at point blank range.
6. Just when you think your fixation with Rasputin is dead, a natural consequence of it having been shot in the chest with a revolver, here it comes surging back to life and needing to be shot another three or four times before finally collapsing in a snowbank, and even then.
7. There will always be another 700-page book coming out which claims to finally clarify the mystery behind the figure who epitomised the dark dawn of Russian modernity, and I will always be there to read it.
8. Even though you are like the third item on the list titled “Things That People Who Know Nothing About Russia Know About Russia” you still remain something of a cult figure.
9. This is a stunning achievement in a life and legacy full of stunning achievements and genuinely surprising twists.
10. Icon, legend, useful metaphor for all types of things, subject of an article titled “Is This the Foot-Long Preserved Penis of Rasputin?”, subject of a documentary called “Rasputin’s Penis: The Documentary”, and ongoing reminder that one must never take one’s eye off Russia for even a day. Even a cool half an hour.
11. You would think that last one would be obvious, but you would be wrong. Why do people continue to do it? Why would anyone stop paying avid attention to Russia for even one minute?
12. Russia: Land of Insane Surprises.
13. Russia: The Great Bear Is Always Up to Something.
14. Russia: The International Community Has Made Little Progress in Establishing Consensus Regarding How to Approach Us.
15. Just some slogans for you.
16. Happy Birthday.

Rosa Lyster