Happy Birthday Natalie Imbruglia

1. Like all Australian celebrities, you began your ascent to the Everest of stardom from the base camp known as Neighbours.
2. There is no other way to do it, I believe. It is there in the fine print of the oath you sign when you embark on your career as an Australian celeb: You must do your time in the Neighbours trenches. Strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, and you have to be in Neighbours when you’re in your teens if you want to make it in this business.
3. Your character, Beth Brennan, has her own Wikipedia page.
4. Under “characterisation,” it says: “Beth is ‘Country girl’ at heart, she went on a journey during her time in the serial.”
5. It was quite a short journey, all things considered. You were on Neighbours for two years, and it seemed like you didn’t have such a good time there. It seems that the blood oath you signed specified a minimum term of two years. As soon as your time was up you were gone.
6. Was there a period when you wondered if it was worth it? A moment where you woke up in the middle of the night and stared at the ceiling and the thought “I was in Neighbours for nothing” arrived fully formed in your mind? “I am not seeing any returns on my investment, and I regret setting off on the path to Australian stardom – I have been tricked. The devil is always busy.”
7. Maybe. You didn’t know then that it was all 100% worth it, because “Torn” hadn’t happened.
8. “TORN”! Jesus! Where were you when you first saw the music video for the timeless banger known as “Torn”?
9. I was in a restaurant called Nino’s when it came on the little TV mounted on the one wall, and I very clearly remember thinking “I’m going to have this song stuck in my head for the rest of my life.”
10. I was right. I can’t even see the word written down without immediately and helplessly starting to hum the song. It has exerted a powerful, powerful force over me for many years, and I am not alone in this.
11. It was all worth it. You had to be in Neighbours for a while, but then you got to release a truly ubiquitous song, perhaps my generation’s Hotel California.
12. I’m going to have it in my head for the next two weeks at least.
13. My friend saw you in an elevator at a hotel in London in the 90s. You were with Lenny Kravitz. My friend said you were both much shorter and much better looking than she is.
14. Happy Birthday.

Rosa Lyster